Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
