you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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