so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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