There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
