I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
did i just pee glitter
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
