Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
