I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
