first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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