She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
