Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
