She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize