So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
