turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
