I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize