this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I touched a dick in church today
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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