Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
