i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
