he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
