I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
