she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
