Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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