Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
