I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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