i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
