My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize