When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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