and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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