ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize