quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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