what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
In America we eat man semen.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
