Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
