The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
