i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
