This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
