Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
