If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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