my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
