had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
