Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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