Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
