I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
