You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
