weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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