I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize