I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
