I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Randomize