i barfeds in our rink
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
