I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
