if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
