here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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