so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
