My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
