Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
