I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I accidentally burped into my bong.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
