Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
