My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
