Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize