Screwed.edu
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
a search helicopter?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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