Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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