Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
