what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
