Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
