I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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