What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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