i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize