Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
