I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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