I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
