She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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