Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
