i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
