my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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