i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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