Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
