I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
BRING THE BAGELS
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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