He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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