Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
