I wish life had little blips of pornography
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
