she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Holy shit dude........stairs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
