I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize