I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
