oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My life is pants optional.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
