Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
