So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
