i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
