Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
