So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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