Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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