My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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