I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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