you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
