i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
