Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize