After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
