so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
