Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
