A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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