Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
