Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
