i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
