Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I didn't notice because vodka
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
