Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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