now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
