It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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